Twigs - Haunted Mansion

Disney sucks the soul from their theme park ride.

[Note: This review will discuss elements of Haunted Mansion that were revealed in promotional material, such as trailers. If you’re someone who enjoys going into new movies knowing as little as possible, you may want to skip reading this review.]

When you’re an artist or creative of any kind like me, sometimes consuming lackluster media can help you understand what to avoid when creating works of your own.

Haunted Mansion is Disney’s second attempt at bringing their much-loved theme park ride to life on the big screen. Following a tragic incident, a former astrophysicist and current New Orleans tour guide Ben (LaKeith Stanfield) is contacted by a priest (Owen Wilson) to help a family who believe their new house is haunted. Willing to take up the job for a hefty amount of money, Ben pretends to investigate the house, which is now owned by Gabbie (Rosario Dawson) who is accompanied by her son Travis (Chase W. Dillon). However, when mysterious, ghostly apparitions follow Ben home, him and a team put together by Wilson’s Kent begin to investigate why Gabbie’s new mansion is haunted.

While I’ve never been to either Haunted Mansion at Disney’s theme parks, it seemed the film was trying to capture the feel of the attractions by never slowing down. There is never a dull moment in Haunted Mansion, as the movie ensures you know just enough about its characters—aside from Ben, who is well-developed—for you to feel generally invested as the next spooky event transpires. Though I am remiss to call every event in Haunted Mansion “spooky,” since the movie isn’t really a horror movie. Nor is it just a horror comedy.

Haunted Mansion is an odd mashup of horror-comedy and action-adventure, much of which feels incredibly jarring to watch play out. There is very little tension throughout the movie, as the scares are typically intruded on by over-the-top action sequences. Action sequences that are so laden with unimpressive CGI they also lack any sense of urgency. Comedy is often incorporated into the adventure too, with horror taking a backseat to everything else for the majority of the movie. The quick switches from horror, to action, to comedy, to adventure makes the film feel disjointed. For instance, while scares are part of the film, it’s much more interested in being an action-adventure movie with hints of comedy than anything else. However, those elements feel out of sorts, as if action and comedy are competing for the spotlight at the same time. It’s a bizarre presentation imbalance that makes the film feel like stuff is just sort of…happening. Like someone mashed two scripts together without checking to see if the tonal shifts made sense.

That’s not to say there weren’t strong elements in the movie, though. The first 30 minutes of the 2-hour film did a decent job at establishing its characters and setting. While the film would soon veer into a more action-focused lane, most of the scares and horror-comedy elements at the start are good enough for the film’s target demographic (well, who I think is the target demographic—more on that later). In addition, Haunted Mansion establishes Stanfield as its shining star very early on. From the first scene he’s in, Stanfield steals the show, and maintains a stellar performance throughout the movie. Ben’s storyline in Haunted Mansion is entrenched with emotion, something Stanfield does an excellent job at portraying. While I’ve only seen him in two films before this (Get Out and Knives Out), his starring role here made him feel like a seasoned leading actor. And makes me want to watch some of the films he’s in that he’s a lead in. So, if anything good came out of my experience with Haunted Mansion, it was wanting to see more movies starring Stanfield.

As for the rest of the movie, it was unfortunately rather forgettable. Despite classic Disney ride characters like Madame Leota and the Hatbox Ghost appearing, their presence wasn’t enough to make this film feel fun. Maybe it was because of its simplistic structure, but the movie felt like it was checking off boxes for what needed to happen without trying to put too big a creative spin on everything. Certain twists in the film are clear within its first hour. Jokes are made throughout, but often feel completely detached from the plot. Probably because the tone is all over the place, going from action-adventure to serious to comedy in a way that felt like someone snapping their fingers in your face. While there was plenty of action to stay generally entertained, it didn’t feel as perilous as it could have been. Especially since this is a movie about Disney’s most famous horror attraction.

Though it’s likely a lot of the issues I have with the movie stem from it not being targeted toward adults—I think. The movie felt very much like a family film. I think families with young children would probably enjoy this movie, since something’s always happening to keep everyone’s attention. Which is why it’s so strange to me that it was rated PG-13. I’ve seen scarier imagery and more existential themes in animated films like The Secret of NIMH or The Land Before Time, neither of which ended up with a PG-13 rating. The rating is very weird to me, as if there’s an expectation that kids won’t be able to handle the film because it’s about ghosts and death. The movie is very much one children can see, and while there may be some imagery that scares them, the film itself is a standard adventure movie more than it is a horror movie.

And maybe that’s why it didn’t click with me. Despite being PG-13 and having actors like Wilson and Dawson in it to seemingly draw older audiences in, Haunted Mansion is a cookie cutter family film. It doesn’t even contain heavier themes like some popular PG children’s movies or imagery that would be scary for kids. It’s probably not the worst family film ever made, but it’s a mediocre one that doesn’t really live up to the expectations set out for it in trailers and promotional material. There really is not much else to say, as the film feels like something I’ll forget having watched or written about by the end of the week. If you’re itching to take your kids to see their first “horror” movie, then Haunted Mansion will provide enough comedy and adventure to balance out the few scary scenes. But if not, then the movie will feel like it’s lacking a soul.

You’re probably better off waiting in line for the real Haunted Mansion.

***

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